Most of us have heard the statistic, which stated that 42% of black women have never been married. Let’s just assume that it’s true and look at it through ‘the glass is half full’ mantra. It also says that the majority, 58% of black women have been married.
Studies like this do nothing but make women feel fearful of being alone, and give men too much power. Men do not have vaginas, so they do not deserve that much power. The well-educated, black man already feels like a hot commodity. He will date then bed as many of us as his heart desires. We need to flip the script. We are single now. But we can guide each other down the dating path that will end not just in marriage, but in a good one.
Myself and all of my many friends have done most of the leg work and complied a new way of thinking about dating. In an effort to make the heartache a thing of the past, I came up with this self-preservation formula called the RTST formula. Relationships always, always, always stem from Real Time Spent Together (RTST).
What Is Real Time: face-to-face interaction, while talking about goals, dreams or just your day. EX: You ever notice how close you were to your high school or college sweetheart? When we fall in love in high school or college that person becomes apart of our world. He becomes (allow me to quote R.Kelly) the “homey, lover, friend”, because they are a key component in our social settings. Men who let you into their world by telling you about the highs, lows and the regular everyday stuff are trying to make you a day-player. When you are a day-player in his life, you are the first call that he makes when there is good or bad news and that’s how great relationships develop. As women we need to learn to listen more.
The RTST formula: It is like the Pythagorean theorem of dating! The RTST formula can not fail, if you pay attention. In my assessment, 50 hours of RTST is the best way to judge, considering that the first date could last from four to seven hours. *The first day is key because this is where you really get a real sense of the person, therefore every hour of the first date represents 1 week of time in the sex free zone. EX: (50 hours/6 hours per date= 8 weeks and 3 days)
Internet Dating:When we meet people on Internet through dating sites or social networking we tend take more time talking on the phone before the first meeting. Now, every hour of phone conversation only counts for fifteen minutes of RTST. It will take 4 hour long conversations to =1 hour of RTST. Face time is more important because that can lead to true intimacy, therefore it is more valuable because on the phone you only share thoughts. Restrict this phone chatter to one week only. If he does not want to meet, in a safe public place for coffee or a drink, that should be a red a flag that something is wrong.
You may think that it sounds absurd but this is your heart! As always, know thy self! If you can have sex, like Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, with no strings attached then more power to you! But if you get all soft and fuzzy on the inside after the first date with visions of the perfect wedding day dancing in your head like Charlotte York Goldenblatt, then you need to know who you are before you start down the sex road. And all it takes is one time of wanting a real relationship when all he wants is a quickie in the backseat, for you to finally get it–men want sex always, not relationships! That is a fact so now we will date, date and then date some more, however sex is reserved for serious relationships-only.
Exceptions to the rule include extremely wealthy men, and the really broke men for this group time increases to 100 hours. Rich men have no time. For example if a wealthy man takes you away for the weekend, you must insist on your own room, that can be a lot of time spend together but do not get fooled it has to be face-to-face time. They might also want you there while they work so you may have to deduct RTST. Wealthy men are more in demand so you have to set yourself apart from all of the other girls. The broke ones have nothing but time so you must also increase the RTST.
You must also remember to get a life because you also have to be too busy to see him, at least twice. Men are hunters. As my married auntie says so if you do not have anything to do, no matter how cute you are, then you will stay single. They need a chase! So get a life, quick!
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